Why I closed my business
For three years I made a solid effort of turning my passion into a business. Over The Moon Magazine provided spiritual inspiration for the modern woman but in a way that read more like a fashion magazine than scripture, and felt more like sipping champagne than burning incense.
Each year we hosted the Over The Moon Ball, a night filled with fancy dresses and fine champagne. We got our tarot cards read and watched burlesque dancers dance. We were inspired by speakers who shared their lives with us, and we toasted them in our sequins.
But in 2016, I closed the magazine, and the ball for good. What I learned can be best summarized by Elizabeth Gilbert in her book Big Magic:
I’ve always felt like this is so cruel to your work—to demand a regular paycheck from it… There is no dishonor in having a job. What is dishonorable is scaring away your creativity by demanding that it pay for your entire existence.
Before I started Over The Moon Magazine, I worked as a marketing executive in the tech industry. And though I truly loved my time there, I spent most of it completely consumed by the notion that I should be “following my passion.” And that that passion should be making me a living.
For 18 months, I even quit my job in tech in pursuit of that passion. I worked full-time for my magazine and put all my time, money, and energy into it; but in the end it wasn’t enough. We were never profitable, and by the end I was paying money out of my own pocket just to keep it afloat.
Overtime, the burden of “trying to make money” completely negated the passion I once felt for it. Every decision I made wasn’t because I wanted to do so, or felt impassioned by it. It was because I needed to make money. I was broke, and I was putting a lot of unnecessary strain on my husband who had taken on the role of breadwinner while I experimented with entrepreneurship.
And so I made the hard, but necessary, decision to shut down the magazine. Over the past several months I have closed the magazine indefinitely and returned to work as a marketing executive in the tech industry. And it has truly been one of the greatest blessings of my life. I now have the time and the money to do the things I love, with none of the burden of owning a business.
Because of this gift, I was able to afford to spend a month traveling in France with four of my best girlfriends. I signed up for season tickets at the theater, bought a six-month pilates package, and even treated myself to a beautiful Kate Spade bag. Luxuries that had all been previously put on hold in pursuit of “financial freedom.”
But more than merely easing the financial burden, the time away allowed me to ask the question, “What would I do if it didn’t have to make money?”
And the answer was “have a hobby instead.” I didn’t want to own a magazine. Part of me wonders if I ever really did. I wanted to write, and direct art projects, and throw fancy parties. But just for fun. Just for me. Not because I needed to make money, or to be an entrepreneur. But because I wanted to.
And so, though I have closed Over The Moon Magazine indefinitely, I now have a blog instead. With no business or agenda. Simply because I love to write. And I can afford to do this, because I have a day job supporting me. My blog is not my business. It is my side-project. Something I am doing just because I want to. And it’s better that way, I think.
Looking back now I can see that this was a necessary part of my journey. Five years ago, I’d sat at my marketing job and asked myself, “Is this really what I’m passionate about? Am I really passionate about marketing? Am I really passionate about technology?” And those quiet “no’s” led to years of discontent.
I told myself I had to be “pursuing my passion” and this wasn’t it. I had to quit my job and become a business owner. I had to make passive income so I could travel the world. And my husband had to support me while I did so.
But I’ve since learned something about passion. And that’s that I no longer want to chase it. Passion changes. It’s fleeting. And I’m convinced that if we follow it, we’ll never catch it. So I’ve decided to pursue curiosity instead. As Elizabeth Gilbert once again surmises in Big Magic:
“The stakes of curiosity are far lower then the stakes of passion. Passion makes you get divorced and sell all your possessions and shave your head and move to Nepal. Curiosity doesn’t ask nearly so much of you. In fact, curiosity only ever asks one simple question: “Is there anything you’re interested in?”
Today I am once again working in technology, and I once again have my passions on the side. But this time I am content with it. I even love it! And it allows me to pursue the curiosities and hobbies that have made my life richer and far more enjoyable as a result.
15 comments
Hey Elle, thank you for sharing your decision. It’s totally brave and I honour you for making it knowing it couldn’t have been easy. I have to admit I’m going to miss the magazine, I absolutely loved having such a beautiful collection of articles about spirituality and modern life. There really was nothing else like it out there. Thank you for all the time, love and energy you poured into OvertheMoon, it is all so deeply appreciated x
Thank you so much Jae! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the support. I did love the magazine too, and I did think it was special and unique. Perhaps there is still the way to create something like that in a smaller, more meaningful way. Thanks for the love girl!
I agree.. I absolutely LOVED the magazine and was always passing it along to my artistic, spiritual, passionate girlfriends. I’m a Catholic convert married to a non-Catholic Christian (Lutheran church worker, actually) and didn’t realize how much I needed/craved a community of modern Marian admiration. I’ve been following you since you were helping women quit the BCP (I wanted to intern with you then!) and have been amazed as I follow you through your journey! Your passion, knowledge, and artistic style continue to inspire me, however it is you share it- thank you for doing so! Wishing you all the best, Elle!! <3
Wow!! I had no idea anyone stuck with me for that long! I have had a rather long history of blogging through my multiple interests, so it’s exciting to me that you have been through it all! Perhaps that’s why I feel so free by “just” having a blog now. Because I can write about whatever I want to and don’t have to stick to one particular brand (like getting off the pill or getting onto religion). I still use the Fertility Awareness and I’m still in graduate school for Mariology. But I also love how multi faceted we are as people, and there is no need to stifle that!! Thanks for the warm wishes Laura!
I can very much relate to this as I spent half of last year without a job per say, helping my husband with his own startup which was also supposed to be “my passion”. It made me miserable and I craved the financial independence I once had. I have been working in my 9-6 job since May 2016 and even though I am not passionate about it, it allows me the freedom to live the life I want and have my passion as a hobby: plant based nutrition and ultra running.
Oh that is so interesting Emilie! Though I so agree that for me, I’d much prefer to have my passions be non-income generating (so they can be all the fun with none of the stress). And really, there is something to be said for the steady day job. It really allows so much freedom!
Elle – thanks for posting this! I am in the exact same place with my business and currently applying for 9-5 jobs that can refuel me and fund some of the aspects of my business that have withered under the stress of making passion support us.
I also was a lover of your magazine, and I even wrote an article for you last year. But I’m really happy to hear that you’re approaching life with this new-found curiosity and kindness! Looking forward to consuming whatever you create in this world!!
Ah, I know. Isn’t it funny how many people go through this same cycle? Corporate to entrepreneurship then back to corporate again? Life is funny, but there’s one thing I know for certain: I now loooooove working the corporate life and have great appreciation for it!
Oh, this lights such a fire in me. I have been there … and I am just re-emerging now. (And I must say, it’s quite uncanny that I am also a marketer from Utah–what are the odds?) Five years ago I quit my beloved job in a local newsroom to be at home full-time to my son, who was then just 9 months old. Half a decade later (and two twin daughters more), I’ve been miserable every moment. I always held onto my passions, and I’ve been chasing them ever since–first as a freelance journalist; then as a food blogger; then a nutrition coach;then an energy healer, a card reader, and a psychic intuitive. Last year I decided I was done with dabbling and ready to “go pro,” so I learned the tricks of the online marketing trade and started my first official business. But the shine quickly wore off and the old frustrations returned. Despite my website being a “by-the-numbers success,” (seriously, my GA stats are through the roof), I barely made a dime. Finally I said to hell with it. I was tired of scraping by in the name of “pursuing my passion” and “financial freedom,” so I went back to work and got a plum job in marketing that nearly doubled my husband’s salary. Now THAT was financial freedom. But the surprises kept coming: just a few months later I lost that job unexpectedly, and I was forced to decide once more: What did I want to do with my life? The answer soon became abundantly clear: Be me. Be happy. Play. So that’s what I’m doing. And I’ve never been happier. You are so right … curiosity is why we breathe. Curiosity and play. Not passion. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to following you as I continue my own parallel journey. Blessings to you.
Hi Lindsay, how crazy! Sounds like we have so much in common! Isn’t it funny how “financial freedom” is often actually working for someone else? Or not? It’s totally all about enjoying the journey, and if we want a bigger paycheck to finance that journey, sometimes a job truly is the way to go!!
Hi Elle! I have also been following you for over 3 years and felt in love with the magazine as well. It was so inspiring to me to see you pursuit so passionately and with such impeccable delivery. It fueled and empower me to do the same. You were a role model and who I strived to be. A few days ago, you came to mind and I was wondering why I had not received any more emails from you and this is how I came to this post. I am bummed to hear the news. I am a Brand Strategist and Graphic Designer and I launched my business http://www.purplewingstudio.com 5 years ago and been at it full time since December. I hear what you are saying about passion, it makes sense and it’s making me think, but there are some things about entrepreneurship that I adore, like the flexibility to create my own schedule and the ability to share my message and my offerings in my own unique way. Reading the comments is making me think, though, at the moment, I have no desire to jump back into the corporate world. But if my role models are going back to Corporate, then what do I do?
Hi Claudia, I agree. Since I wrote this post I have actually come to a middle ground. I no longer work in the corporate world and once again work for myself, but this time as a freelance writer. I have several clients on retainer that allow me to have the benefit of a paycheck without having to pay for employees and other operating expenses. And I once again work from home and have complete flexibility. For me, this is truly the best of both worlds!
Yay! Amazing. great to hear that. I would not change the flexibility of working for myself for any corporate job. Thanks for replying.
Well this was the most sane, rational and passionate thing I’ve read in a very long time. Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for being the counterpoint to the loud blaring drum of the perfect life that can only come if you follow your passion. Thank you for sharing your lived experience.
Thank you TW. It was truly one of the best decisions I have ever made and I am so grateful that I now get to live my dream life without requiring a paycheck from it!